The WhatsApp forwarder wakes up each morning with a purpose. While the rest of us are brushing our teeth and wondering whether there is enough milk for tea, he is busy saving us from the end of the world.

This morning, he warned us that drinking cold water after a meal could be dangerous. A few minutes later, he sent a message saying that warm water could cure almost everything. I was still considering the fate of water at room temperature when another message arrived.

“Forward this to everyone you love.”

I looked at my wife. She was peacefully drinking her coffee. Did I love her enough to interrupt her with a warning about the dangers of coffee?

I decided I did not.

The expert had also sent a photograph of a magnificent tree, with the caption: “This tree produces oxygen for twenty people.” I wondered who had counted the people and whether they had all stood around the tree breathing while somebody took notes.

Then came the health advice. Apparently, a spoonful of something found in every Indian kitchen could transform my life. I went into the kitchen and opened a cupboard. There were spoons, but also turmeric, sugar, salt and a packet my wife had asked me not to touch. I returned to my phone for further instructions.

Unfortunately, the message ended with “Doctors don’t want you to know this.”

My wife is a doctor. I looked at her suspiciously.

“What?” she asked.

“Is there something in the kitchen you don’t want me to know about?”

“Yes,” she said. “The dishes in the sink. They’ve been there since breakfast.”

The expert’s talents are not confined to health. He can predict elections, explain the economy and identify a dangerous cloud formation over the city. He also knows precisely what will happen to anyone who fails to forward a prayer to eleven people within the next ten minutes.

Once, I did not forward it. I waited anxiously for the promised misfortune. Nothing happened until the following morning, when the expert sent me another message.

“Did you see what I sent yesterday?”

“Yes,” I replied.

“Why didn’t you forward it?”

“I thought I’d let God decide whom to bless.”

There was a long silence. That evening, I gently suggested to the expert that he check a message before sending it. I even showed him how to search for its source.

He thanked me warmly. “You’re right, Bob. We should do that.”

The next morning, my phone buzzed. The family group had received a new warning: “Beware of people who ask you to check WhatsApp messages. They are trying to stop the truth from spreading.”

Below it were the familiar words: “Forward this to everyone you love.”

I looked at my wife. She was drinking her coffee. Once again, I decided to let her enjoy it…!

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