Since the powers at the center are intent on a uniform civil code, which could lead I’m sure to a Uniformed Eating Code my friend from Russia who was on a visit and who was a diehard non- vegetarian decided she would become a veggie for the period of her visit. “One might as well get used to something before it becomes a law,” she said as she looked up a mango tree, “I have told my cook to cook those leaves for lunch!”

“That’s a mango tree,” I said, “You eat the fruit and not the leaves.”

“You can’t put those leaves into a curry?”

“Only raw mangoes,” I said, “you eat the ripe ones raw and cook the raw ones!”

“This is very confusing,” said the Russian as she scratched her head and stared at the ripe mangoes on the tree. “What happens if I eat the leaves?”

“I don’t know,” I said.

“What happens if I ate the raw mangoes raw and put the ripe mangoes into a curry?”

“No idea,” I said helplessly.

“What about cauliflower?”

“What about it?” I asked.

“Do I eat it cooked or uncooked?”

“You can’t eat it uncooked,” I said disgustedly.

“I’m sorry I didn’t know,” said my friend, now beginning to look a little worried, “What about this fruit?”

“It’s a carrot,” I said, “it’s not a fruit it’s a root, which is eaten as a vegetable!”

“A root eaten like a vegetable but not a vegetable?” asked my Russian friend, “so its allowed isn’t it? I mean as a vegetarian I can eat it?”

“Sure you can,” I said giving her an encouraging smile.

“This vegetarianism business is going to be a long journey,” she said slowly. “is it okay if I eat this vegetable?”

“It’s not a vegetable,” I said looking at the onion she was holding out to me.

“It’s a fruit?”

“No,” I said.

“Let me guess, it’s a root?”

“No,” I said, “it’s a bulb!”

“A bulb,” shouted the Russian in terror, throwing the onion away, “dammit I don’t want to get electrocuted chewing a bulb! I thought being a vegetarian was safe?”

“It is,” I said.

“And do you eat the bulb cooked?”

“Generally raw,” I said patiently.

“I think I need expert advice before I get into this vegetarian business and stay in your country!”

“I agree,” I said as I watched her pick up her phone.

“Do you know a good lawyer?”

“Lawyer?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said with a noticeable shudder, “some expert who’ll advise me the dos and don’ts of what to eat and what not to eat. I don’t want to be dragged in front of your esteemed judges for not following some uniform eating code your leaders might suddenly implement…!”

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