No Need for Qualifications..!
The highly acclaimed interviewer came storming out of the interview room, his face red, not from the summer heat, but from sheer frustration. “Everybody wants the job,” he spluttered, “but nobody wants to reveal their qualifications!” “Why?” I asked, “maybe their certificates were washed away in the last monsoon flood?”…
Export Without Tariffs..!
“Declare what you are carrying!” the stern-looking customs officer at the US airport growled at me the other day, and I wondered, what if I wasn’t just me, the lone traveler, but India herself walking through international customs? What would the declaration form of India look like? Under Exports, instead…
Keeping National Hate Relevant..!
China openly supported Pakistan in the recent Sindoor skirmish, right? But what do we see now? Our great nation rushing into Beijing’s waiting arms, like a jilted lover trying to reconcile after a breakup. After all, the Americans, with a cold shrug of their capitalist shoulders, have turned away, and…
We Offer You a New Vice President..!
Dear People of India, clap, shout and rejoice! We are delighted to soon offer you a brand-new Vice President. Yes, carefully selected, polished, and packaged, this is the model you’ve been waiting for: one who will sit, smile, nod—and most importantly, keep silent when asked uncomfortable questions. Dear People, you…
Less Brains, More Bhajiyas..!
Breaking news! Breaking news! Hold on to your samosas, ladies and gentlemen, because the Ministry of Education—yes, that ministry, the one meant to sharpen minds and sculpt futures—has just declared war… on fried food. Not on failing schools. Not on outdated syllabi. Not on students memorizing for marks instead of…
Robert Clements is a newspaper columnist and writes a daily column, which has graced the pages of over 60 newspapers and magazines, from a daily column in the Khaleej Times, Dubai, the Morning Star, London, and in nearly every state in India, from The Statesman in Kolkata, to the Kashmir Times in Kashmir to the Trinity Mirror in Chennai.