“Yesterday, the police chased me with a baton. Today, the government sent me a friendship request.”

The young student stared suspiciously at his phone.

“Should I accept it?” he asked.

“Certainly,” I said. “Maybe tomorrow the policeman’s lathi will start following you on Instagram.”

Apparently, after widespread Gen Z protests, our leaders have discovered the solution.

Instagram!

Why repair an examination system when you can upload a selfie? Why investigate leaked question papers when you can crack a joke? Why create jobs when you can dance to the theme from Friends?

“So no one told you life was gonna be this way,” sings the familiar song.

Indeed, no one told the student that after studying for three years, borrowing money for coaching classes and travelling overnight to an examination centre, the question paper would arrive there before he did.

But never mind. The minister is now wearing sunglasses and speaking the language of the youth.

“Hey, guys!” he says cheerfully into the camera. “We hear you!”

The students look around.

“Did he hear us asking for jobs?”

“Did he hear us asking for an inquiry into the leaked paper?”

“Then what did he hear?”

“He heard that you like reels.”

Our politicians seem to believe that young people are not angry with the system. They are merely disappointed with its social media content.

And so advisers rush in. “You need to use more of social media, like the youngsters are using. Once you do that you will win them over!”

“How do I do that?” the oldsters ask, “Maybe I need to look more relaxed.”

“But the students are protesting.” The police shout.

“Smile, sir.”

“But unemployment is rising.” The figures say.

“Excellent, sir. Now make a heart with your fingers.” Say the advisors.

“And you don’t have to look relaxed sir. A digital filter can remove wrinkles, brighten eyes and make a seventy-five year-old leader like you look forty.”

“You mean I don’t have to spend so much time on make-up!”

Unfortunately sir, it cannot remove corruption from an examination board. It cannot brighten the future of an unemployed graduate. It cannot turn a leaked paper into an honest one. It cannot change the lies you’ve spread into truth!”

Young Indians do not need leaders who imitate them. They need leaders who respect them.

They do not want ministers using their slang. They want ministers understanding their struggle.

They are not asking the government to become their online friend. They are asking it to stop treating them like enemies when they gather on the street.

Friendship is not proved by clicking a button. It is proved by listening when the other person is hurting.

So, dear government, before sending another friendship request, try accepting theirs.

They have already sent one.

It says, “Listen to us! We are fed up of corruption!”

And unlike your Instagram invitation, this has been pending for years…!

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