“Wait!” I tell the groom as he prepares to carry his bride across the threshold.
He freezes. His bride looks worried. Somewhere behind them, an uncle stops chewing, convinced somebody has discovered an unpaid wedding bill.
“Before you carry her across,” I say, “there are four actions you both need to follow.”
“Can we do them quickly?” asks the groom. “I have been smiling for photographs since morning. Even my jaw needs a honeymoon.”
“First, put down your baggage.”
He looks at the suitcases.
“Your emotional baggage,” I explain. “Old hurts. Past disappointments. That argument you won three years ago and still polish every Sunday.”
The bride smiles.
“And you too,” I tell her.
Her smile becomes thoughtful.
We enter marriage carrying enough invisible luggage to make an airline rich. Then we wonder why there is no room for another person.
Put it down. You cannot embrace your future while clutching every grievance from your past.
“Second, allow God in.”
“Into the house?” asks the groom.
“Into your hearts. The hall already has enough wedding guests.”
Psalm 51:10 says, “Create in me a clean heart, O God.”
Create! We ask God for a clean heart, then hand Him instructions about which resentments He must leave untouched.
“Lord, remove my bitterness, but keep that little corner reserved for my cousin.”
Let Him work throughout your heart. Pray together for hearts ready to love, forgive and begin afresh.
“Third, lift each other up.”
“Finally!” says the groom, bending his knees.
“Wait! Emotionally first. Physically later.”
She may be a brilliant lawyer. You may be a splendid structural engineer. But marriage will struggle if she spends her evenings cross examining him while you check whether her arguments have adequate foundations.
“You are not competing for Employee of the Month,” I tell them. “You are building a home.”
Encourage each other. Celebrate each other. When one falters, let the other offer a hand before offering a lecture.
Make your marriage uplifting. And please, dear groom, let that word describe more than tonight’s performance at the doorway.
“Fourth, cast your combined burdens on God.”
First Peter 5:7 tells us to cast all our anxiety on Him because He cares for us. Psalm 55:22 tells us to cast our cares on the Lord, who will sustain us.
There will be bills, illnesses, misunderstandings and relatives with unlimited advice.
Take your worries to God together. Prayer is a better bedtime habit than silently preparing tomorrow’s prosecution.
I look around at the other married couples who have come for the reception.
“You all can begin these four actions too. No threshold required. No husband needs to attempt weightlifting after twenty years of avoiding exercise.”
Then I raise my glass.
“Put down your past. Allow God in. Lift each other up. Cast your burdens on Him.”
“Now,” I tell the groom, “carry her across!”
He lifts her. She laughs. The uncle resumes chewing.
“And keep carrying each other through life,” I add, “even when the honeymoon ends and somebody discovers the other squeezes the toothpaste from the middle..!”
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Robert Clements is a newspaper columnist and writes a daily column, which has graced the pages of over 60 newspapers and magazines, from a daily column in the Khaleej Times, Dubai, the Morning Star, London, and in nearly every state in India, from The Statesman in Kolkata, to the Kashmir Times in Kashmir to the Trinity Mirror in Chennai.
“Lord, remove my bitterness, but keep that little corner reserved for my cousin.” That was a good one.
Just three days ago my wife and I celebrated our 39th wedding anniversary. Even then there are very good lessons to learn from your article.
Valuable &practical advice for those who are already in and also for those who aspire to.
I would begin with that toothpaste line! Someone like me, who has witnessed toothpaste being squeezed from the middle, knows the tiny, irrational irritation it can cause. My teacher instinct is exactly the same—I see it, quietly tch, and immediately put it right. So that ending made me laugh because it takes such an ordinary marital irritation and turns it into a lovely picture of learning to live with one another.
What I especially appreciate is how the humour carries a deeper, heartfelt message. The four actions are wonderfully practical:
Put down your baggage. Allow God in. Lift each other up. Cast your burdens on God.
There is something beautifully reassuring about finding such simple, practical guidance in the most trusted Word—the Bible.
The piece reminds us that marriage isn’t about finding someone perfect; it is about two imperfect people choosing, with God’s help, to carry one another through life.
And perhaps, along the way, even learning to tolerate toothpaste squeezed from the middle!