The other day a friend of mine was telling me she didn’t much care for some of our Indian standup comedians because they were so crass, and I realized how true that is. Not just stand ups, but many of us cannot crack a joke or say something cutting without a range of swear words! Is it because we don’t know the language well? Or we don’t know how to be subtle and yet be effective? I thought we’d spend this morning listening to some of those who could say it with class: These glorious insults are from an era before language boiled down to 4-letter words!
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”
“That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress!”
“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” – Clarence Darrow.
“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” – Moses Hadas. (Moses Hadas was an American teacher, one of the leading classical scholars of the twentieth century, and a translator of numerous works)
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain.
“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” – Oscar Wilde.
“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.
“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second … if there is one.” – Winston Churchill, in response.
“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” -Stephen Bishop.
“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” – John Bright.
“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” – Samuel Johnson.
“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating.
“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” – Charles, Count Talleyrand.
“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” – Forrest Tucker.
“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” – Mark Twain.
“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”- Mae West.
And finally look at this, “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde.
Now, wasn’t that humour, subtle yet cutting? It’s time, class talk replaced crass talk, right?

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