One of the saddest sights seen is when a husband or wife dies and leaves behind a partner. You can literally see the one left behind asking silently, “Why did you leave me here? What will I do alone?” And though the question is silently asked, it’s one that is asked by all. The other day I rang a widow, who had asked me for help in getting her daughter married, “How are you Kamala?” I asked.
“It is thirteen years and hundred days since he left me!” she wept on the phone.
Just imagine, for nearly twenty five percent of her life she had been counting every day. Sad isn’t it, and to a great extent, so unnecessary. There is a time for grieving, and a time for moving on. It may vary from person to person, but the moving on has to take place. When we don’t move on, we are actually allowing self-pity to come into our lives and finally depression. And this depression does not stop with just the person who is grieving, it slowly drags down all those around; instead of giving life to others, you drag them down to grieving death.
You have to move on, painful though it maybe, cruel though it may sound. But to survive it is a must.
And in not moving on, the worst is loneliness. How do we tackle it? First by realising that like us there are hundreds and thousands in the same city, same town, even same suburb who are as lonely as we. Second, in realising that we don’t have to be lonely, that in getting in touch with a higher power, a God above, we start feeling his healing and in that healing, we realise that He will never ever leave us and go away!
I know a widow, who told me once, “Bob, I feel so guilty, because after my husband died, I’ve grown closer to God, and don’t miss my husband much!”
That new divine companionship is yours, whether it’s a mother, father, wife or husband who has passed away. God fills that vacuum, and gives you peace that is yours forever.
Move on. Even your spouse who left you, wherever he or she is, and we all believe, he or she is in a happier place, will be all the more happier when they see joy on your face again. We believe that the dead go to a happier place, but I have heard that our grief makes them sad, so take that first step towards looking after yourself.
Stop counting the days, stop saying five years and twenty days. I spoke to that same lady, I told her to start moving on, look up, hold the hand offered to you and move on in life..!
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