In the good ole days, one did up his or her home, made costly improvements, but kept the amount one had spent, a secret. But today I was soon to find out, people publicise the amount they are going to spend even before they start.

Since I’ve done nothing for my flat for the last few decades and still feel there’s nothing I have to do, I was unpleasantly surprised to find a so-called interior designer at my doorstep. “You look very like the carpenter who did the downstairs flat three years ago,” I said.

“I am the same man,” said the former carpenter, proudly pulling out a card and handing it to me, “We all finally become interior designers. I can make your flat into a Taj Mahal.”

“I don’t much care living in the Taj,” I said.

“Then what would you like your flat to look like?”

“A home,” I said wearily.

“A modern home,” he pushed.

“What’s the difference?” I asked.

“Neighbours envy, owners pride,” he said winking at me.

“You mean you’ll make my flat better than the one you did downstairs?” I asked.

“Sahib was stingy,” he said, “sahib spent only fifty lakhs.”

“And how much will I have to spend to make sahib envious?” I whispered.

“Give or take a crore,” he said.

“Is it generally give or is it take?” I asked sarcastically.

“You give I take,” he smiled.

“What do you suggest I do?” I asked unwillingly.

“First you and I will walk around the building,” said the carpenter who had become a designer.

“Why should I walk around the building, when I want to do the interior?” I protested.

“So that the neighbours will see us both,” said the designer. “I will make sweeping gestures with my hands, so your neighbours will feel you are going to change everything! Then we will pull down all the walls.”

“The building will fall down,” I said.

“You will have to insure our men,” said the former carpenter. “After that we will remove the flooring, the kitchen, the bathrooms..”

“But why?” I asked.

“Then how will you spend one crore?” asked the still confused former carpenter.

“Why should I spend so much?” I asked.

“So that you can tell your neighbours,“ said the man. “We will help you a little bit; we will tell everybody; two crores..”

“Did my neighbour really spend fifty lakhs?” I asked.

“Give or take a few!” said the carpenter as he started hammering my walls, creating a deafening sound.

“What are you doing?” I asked, “I have not given you the contract!”

“Creating publicity!” said the interior designer, “More noise created, means more money is being spent!”

I let him hammer for half an hour, “Now you can go,” I said, “With the noise you have made I have won the respect of all my neighbours, because that’s more work they’ve heard done in over a decade!”

Disclaimer: If this sounds similar to what is happening in our country, it is purely coincidental..!

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