The moment a son or daughter says they are marrying someone from another faith, homes that once echoed with laughter suddenly sound like courtrooms.
Charges are framed. Judgments are passed. And somewhere between anger and fear, we reach for our favourite accusation. Love- jihad. Forced conversion. Brainwashing. It is dramatic. It is convenient. And very often, it is a complete refusal to look in the mirror.
Because here is a question that should unsettle every shouting parent. What exactly did your child see while growing up under your roof?
Did they see a faith that breathed, or one that merely existed on festival days?
Did they see you live what you preached, or did they hear sermons at the dining table followed by behaviour that quietly cancelled every word you spoke?
You told them to be honest, yet cut corners.
You spoke of compassion, yet practised prejudice.
You insisted on prayer, yet lived as though God was an occasional guest, not a constant presence.
Children notice. They always notice.
We like to believe our children are innocent victims, carried away by someone cleverer, stronger, more persuasive. But what if the truth is far less flattering? What if they were not taken, but they simply walked away?
Walked away from a version of faith that did not convince them. Walked towards something they felt might work better for their life. Not because it was superior, but because what they saw at home did not seem sufficient.
And then we shout betrayal.
No, what you are witnessing is not betrayal. It is evaluation.
Your child has evaluated what they saw for years and made a decision. And instead of asking where you may have failed to demonstrate depth, meaning, and relevance, you construct enemies outside your home.
Then we create laws: Laws to prevent conversion. Laws to control choice. Laws to defend belief. It sounds powerful, until you realize the absurdity of it. If your faith needs legal protection from your own child, then it has already lost its strength long before any marriage took place.
Here is a thought that will make many uncomfortable. If there must be accountability, it should begin at home. If a child leaves the faith they were raised in, perhaps the first question should be asked of the parents.
What did you show them?
Because faith is not taught by instruction. It is absorbed through example. And if the example was weak, inconsistent, or hollow, then do not be surprised when your child looks elsewhere for something real.
So, before you cry victim, before you blame the other person, before you turn this into a battle of communities, pause.
Your child did not abandon faith.
They abandoned what you made it look like. And if at all there’s anyone who needs to be arrested, it’s you…!
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Robert Clements is a newspaper columnist and writes a daily column, which has graced the pages of over 60 newspapers and magazines, from a daily column in the Khaleej Times, Dubai, the Morning Star, London, and in nearly every state in India, from The Statesman in Kolkata, to the Kashmir Times in Kashmir to the Trinity Mirror in Chennai.
Not always correct. Love has no barriers and there’s something so beautiful about two people in love.
It would NOT be a reflection on their parents so parents need not feel guilty if two human beings care for each other.
Values imbibed in your child also says never cheat on anyone. Love is a beautiful sentiment. Why should Faith come in between. When two adults come up and decide going for an inter caste relationship, that does not mean giving up your faith. It’s adopting the best of each others
In that case King David, Israel/Jacob, Prophet Samuel etc should be arrested because most of his children went astray!
Whatever good you teach cannot be forced into your children, they will take their own decisions, but you need to pray for them that God would help them to take correct decisions
True.
For instance, if we believe that love has no barriers, then nothing matters, even religion, faith. Love is unconditional. One doesn’t even need to accept another faith or convert for the sake of a relationship. This is purely a personal individual choice. Period.
Nobody has the right, not even the parents if this decision is taken by two mature, secular and broadminded adults.
True love is truly unconditional! It’s a real pity that the double standards of significant adults and their hypocrisy creates barriers which cause unnecessary tension, drama and suffering.