Have always been puzzled how the government knows when a loudspeaker is too loud or a plastic bag too thick, so since the government is now hellbent on enforcing the plastic ban I thought I’d check the instruments issued to measure the thickness of plastic bags. I met a municipal worker, “Do you have checking instruments, to see if a plastic bag is less than 20 microns?”
“Of course,” said the municipal worker indignantly, “we are all equipped with the right judging instruments!”
“Each of you?” I asked incredulously. “Every one of you?”
“Each and every one of us,” said the worker indignantly, pushing his bulging belly in while gently easing his shirt into the waistband of his pants.
“May I see those instruments?” I asked doubtfully.
“The best way is to see how we use them,” said the municipal worker smiling, “why don’t you come with me and see how effectively they work?”
“Sure,” I said. “I would love to tell my readers not to worry and you are all equipped to deal with the plastic bag menace.”
A ward officer, his boss came out onto the office porch and waved to the worker. “Go quickly to the market area,” he shouted, “there’s a complaint a big shop over there is giving all their customers plastic bags.”
We jumped on our cycles and rushed to the market. “Where is your instrument to measure the bags? I panted puzzled as we cycled.
“Here,” said the worker tapping his hip pocket and nearly losing his balance.
We arrived at the shop, parked our cycles near a lamppost and entered the shop. “Arrest him!” I shouted as the owner of the shop put a customer’s groceries into a thin plastic bag and gave it to him. “Pull out your instrument and measure the thickness of the bag!”
I watched with amazement as the municipal worker pulled out his wallet from his hip pocket and stuffed it with a wad of cash given by the shopkeeper. “The bags are okay,” he said, leaving the shop along with a very disturbed me, “They are the right thickness!”
“How do you know?” I whispered feebly.
“My measuring instrument says so,” he smiled patting his stuffed wallet and holding it out to me, “See, feel it! The thicker it is, the more innocent the plastic user. It is a very good gauge that all of us have, and one that measures very accurately!”
“What about loud music after 10 p.m.?” I asked hopelessly, “do policemen use the same instrument?”
“Why not,” said the worker. “It’s a good gauge, right? You tell your readers not to worry; sound nuisance and plastic bags are being measured very effectively. Let me assure you…… we have the best measuring instruments in the world!”
I watched, as we returned and he handed his ‘measuring instrument’ to his boss..!
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