“Any news?” asked the businessman, looking anxiously out of his office window. “Stock market, sir?” “Clouds!” And there you have Mumbai, the financial capital of India, where men can predict international markets, manipulate balance sheets and arrange billion rupee mergers, but must finally look upwards and ask, “Will it rain?”…
Patriotism, Starlink and Monopoly..!
“Would you like something with your coffee, sir?” asked the waiter at the airport food court. “Yes,” I said. “A small loan.” He smiled. “I have already paid for parking,” I explained. “If I buy your sandwich too, my children might have to discontinue their education.” There was a time…
You Are Already a Butterfly..!
“Excuse me,” said the caterpillar, “but I think there has been some mistake in my appointment letter!” “What appointment letter?” I asked. “The one saying I am going to fly! Have you seen my figure? I cannot cross a leaf without stopping for lunch!” I understood his concern. Some of…
Cheating and Trusting..!
“Who put these two reports together?” I asked, staring at the front page of yesterday’s national daily. “A subeditor,” said my neighbour. “Give him an award!” “For journalism?” “For making two news reports cross examine each other!” There they were, sharing a box. Nandan Nilekani suggesting that examination questions be…
Good Drivers Save Money..!
“You pay your driver how much?” asked my neighbour, looking as though I had just announced I was financing his daughter’s wedding. “A little more than the usual.” “Why?” “Because I am fond of my gearbox!” The other day, at a friend’s house, I heard a sound that suggested somebody…
Police Restraint..!
“Be gentle!” whispered his boss. The policeman looked puzzled. “With whom, sir?” “The protesters!” “Ah,” said the policeman, adjusting his baton. “Special instructions!” And there, dear reader, lies the problem. Why should gentleness arrive as a special instruction? Is it equipment kept in police headquarters, issued only when the government…
Contained or Unreined …!
“Restrained, Detained, Contained!” I read aloud, admiring the newspaper headline. “Rats?” asked my neighbour. “Young protesters!” “Oh,” he said. “For a moment I thought the municipal pest control department had finally achieved something.” What magnificent rhyme! Somewhere in Delhi, I imagined an official wiping away a grateful tear. Finally, a…
Your Business Is the Bible They Read..!
“Sir, are you a Christian?” asked the customer. “Certainly!” beamed the businessman. “Church every Sunday, committee meeting every month, and prayer before every meal!” “I was asking because of your bill.” The businessman adjusted the cross hanging around his neck. Unfortunately, it did nothing to adjust the figures. We Christians…
Today’s Inconvenience, Tomorrow’s Comfort..!
“Today’s inconvenience, tomorrow’s comfort!” announced the board beside a road that had apparently resigned from being a road. “How reassuring,” I told the gentleman standing beside me. He was trying to retrieve his shoe from the mud. “For whom?” he asked. “For tomorrow’s people.” “What about today’s people?” we shouted…
No Journalists, Please..!
“Sir, there is a journalist at the door!” “Tell him we have already issued the press release.” “He wants to attend the Press Council meeting, sir.” “Why?” “He says he is a journalist.” “How inconvenient! Does he also expect us to invite farmers when we discuss farming?” I imagined this…
Robert Clements is a newspaper columnist and writes a daily column, which has graced the pages of over 60 newspapers and magazines, from a daily column in the Khaleej Times, Dubai, the Morning Star, London, and in nearly every state in India, from The Statesman in Kolkata, to the Kashmir Times in Kashmir to the Trinity Mirror in Chennai.