Not getting too many invitations to go out, I was pleasantly surprised to get one for dinner and decided I’d need a good umbrella as the monsoons were quite relentless. I decided to go over to the umbrella store and choose a good sturdy one to beat the monsoons. I was a little surprised to see a much wider range than they had the year before.

“Are you a wrestler sir?” asked the pleasant looking salesman inside the store.

“What difference would that make?” I asked equally pleasantly.

“The wrestler umbrellas have extra strong steel ribs inside that are able to withstand a lathi charge, especially if you decide to protest against someone high up in the government,” he said without a change in his pleasant face, “and instead of cloth we use tarpaulin to withstand water cannons when they try to drive you away from your place of protest!”

I told him I wasn’t a wrestler, and we moved into the interiors of the shop, “Would sir want a transparent one or one which will safeguard his security?”

“I wonder what security there is to safeguard in the rains!” I laughed and the pleasant looking salesman laughed with me, “I assume sir is single?”

“Why should you assume that?” I asked a little crossly.

“Ah, then if your madam walks a little close to you in the monsoon, or if sir accidentally holds her hand, the moral brigade who are now swarming our country will immediately lynch you as a love jihadist!”

I told the young salesman that my wife and I kept a decent distance between us even during the rains, “And we don’t hold hands in public,” I said crossly.

“But sir you have a beard!” said the owner, coming quickly as soon as he heard my raised voice.

“So what?” I shouted.

“You could be mistaken for a terrorist, so don’t take a transparent one, or you may be arrested by the police!” said the owner and the salesman smiled at his owner, looked at me and nodded in agreement.

“Maybe I’ll take the one that isn’t transparent!” I squeaked and the pleasant looking salesman smiled his approval as his boss went back to the counter.

I thought for a moment, stared at the umbrellas, then decided I’d choose a raincoat instead, after all raincoats I was sure did not have such conditions attached, so quietly walked out without the umbrella and into a shop selling raincoats next door.

“Do you want a thin plastic type or a canvas one sir?” asked another pleasant looking salesman.

“Ha, ha, ha!” I laughed, “Even you have conditions don’t you?”

“What do you mean sir?”

“No, I’m not a wrestler to beat the water cannons or moral brigade and no my beard will not identify me as a terrorist! ” I said laughing hysterically. “Isn’t that why you asked me what type I wanted?”

“No sir! Just to beat the monsoon rain sir!” said the salesman and looked at me strangely as he packed a raincoat for me..!

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