The highly acclaimed interviewer came storming out of the interview room, his face red, not from the summer heat, but from sheer frustration. “Everybody wants the job,” he spluttered, “but nobody wants to reveal their qualifications!” “Why?” I asked, “maybe their certificates were washed away in the last monsoon flood?”…
Robert Clements is a journalist and newspaper columnist. With an estimated 6 million readership, his column, Bob’s Banter is published in over 30 newspapers and magazines in nearly every state in India, as well as in the top newspapers of Bangladesh, London and Dubai and is also translated into Hindi, Punjabi and Urdu.
Treat Your Children Well..!
It happened in a store in Chicago. My daughter, busy shopping, suddenly noticed her two-and-a-half-year-old happily munching away on an apple. The little one, with all the innocence in the world, had simply plucked it from the display. My daughter, instead of panicking or scolding, calmly explained at the counter…
Export Without Tariffs..!
“Declare what you are carrying!” the stern-looking customs officer at the US airport growled at me the other day, and I wondered, what if I wasn’t just me, the lone traveler, but India herself walking through international customs? What would the declaration form of India look like? Under Exports, instead…
Profiteering and Funding a War..!
During the Second World War, stories were told of black marketers who hoarded cigarettes, butter, and sugar, and sold them at obscene prices. The world despised them. They were looked at as parasites, gnawing at the miseries of ordinary folk, profiteering while others bled. But here in India, oh how…
The Sky Above and Embers Below..!
Last night, in the Poconos, near Lake Naomi, where we are holidaying, our camp fire burned bright. Sparks flew upward like tiny stars, wood crackled, and flames licked the night with warmth and light. We sat around it, roasting marshmallows, laughing at each other’s sticky fingers, and marveling at how…
Keeping National Hate Relevant..!
China openly supported Pakistan in the recent Sindoor skirmish, right? But what do we see now? Our great nation rushing into Beijing’s waiting arms, like a jilted lover trying to reconcile after a breakup. After all, the Americans, with a cold shrug of their capitalist shoulders, have turned away, and…
Don’t Waste Our Money on Roads..!
Ah, so once again we cut the ribbon, light the lamps, and smile for the cameras as our Prime Minister inaugurates ₹11,000 crore worth of highway projects to decongest Delhi! Bravo! The champagne corks must be popping in cement companies and contractors’ offices even as I write this. But pardon…
We Offer You a New Vice President..!
Dear People of India, clap, shout and rejoice! We are delighted to soon offer you a brand-new Vice President. Yes, carefully selected, polished, and packaged, this is the model you’ve been waiting for: one who will sit, smile, nod—and most importantly, keep silent when asked uncomfortable questions. Dear People, you…
Today, I’m Getting that Ball..!
Ah, the joys of grandparenting! For the last few days, I’ve been surrounded by the children of my two daughters. But it’s little Layla—just eight months old—who has been eyeing me with a mix of suspicion and frustration. She can sit up when propped, roll over, and turn on a…
Disrespect to the Constitution..!
Ah, how easy it is nowadays to be guilty of “disrespecting the Constitution!” All you need to do is ask a question, and boom—you’re branded as a criminal, a rebel, or worse, an anti-national. Today it’s Rahul Gandhi. Tomorrow, it could be you. And who are the judges of such…
Robert Clements is a newspaper columnist and writes a daily column, which has graced the pages of over 60 newspapers and magazines, from a daily column in the Khaleej Times, Dubai, the Morning Star, London, and in nearly every state in India, from The Statesman in Kolkata, to the Kashmir Times in Kashmir to the Trinity Mirror in Chennai.