I nearly laughed out loud, when I saw headlines screaming that the American Secretary of State had warmly invited our Prime Minister to the US, for another meeting in the “near future.” The way some television anchors announced it, I thought perhaps the entire White House staff had got onto Zoom, waving Indian flags, shedding tears and shouting, “Please come soon!”

But let us calm down and examine this dangerous English phrase called “near future.”

My dear friends, “see you in the near future” is diplomatic language. It belongs in the same family as “do come home sometime,” “we must catch up,” “let’s have lunch,” and the classic Indian farewell, “We’ll definitely meet next week,” uttered by people who have absolutely no intention of meeting next week.

In fact, most of us use these phrases every day. You bump into an old friend in a mall. Both of you are carrying shopping bags and emotional exhaustion. Neither wants an actual meeting. Yet both enthusiastically say, “Arrey we must meet properly!” Then both walk away relieved that no date was fixed.

That is exactly how these international phrases work.

If somebody truly wants to meet you, there is no mystery. The conversation changes immediately.

“Are you free Tuesday?”

“Can your office coordinate with mine?”

“Let us finalise dates.”

That is serious language.

But “near future” is floating cloud language. Pleasant. Polite. Meaningless.

The funny part is how our papers and news anchors convert ordinary diplomatic politeness into national victory. One hug becomes a strategic alliance. And one sweet packet, which isn’t even the Italian PMs name, becomes eternal friendship.

Sometimes I feel Indian politicians survive because we ordinary people desperately want to believe compliments. We are like schoolchildren who frame a report card because the teacher wrote, “Can do better.”

And television channels do not help. They slow down video clips, zoom into smiles, replay handshakes seventeen times, and then experts sit in boxes discussing whether the foreign leader blinked respectfully or affectionately.

Meanwhile the common man, struggling with bills, traffic, rent and onions priced like imported jewellery, watches proudly and says, “Ah yes, the world respects us!”

Maybe it does.

But maybe we should also learn English properly before declaring diplomatic victory.

Because “see you in the near future” is often nothing more than the international version of, “Okay bye, take care, message sometime.”

And if you still do not believe me, try this at home tonight. Tell your neighbour warmly, “We must definitely meet in the near future!”

If he immediately asks, “Tomorrow evening at seven?” you will suddenly discover how fast you suddenly remember weddings, funerals, dentist appointments, traffic jams, sick relatives and urgent spiritual retreats, all happening in that same, ‘near future,’..!

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