The other day I heard that old tune, How Much Is That Doggie in the Window, and suddenly I was transported back to a much thinner version of myself, clutching a mouth organ as if it were life support. My school had organised a visit to an old folks home….
Taliban, India and Our Girls..!
The Taliban has very kindly clarified that husbands in Afghanistan may beat their wives, provided they do not break any bones. How thoughtful. One can almost imagine a government circular being issued. “Citizens are advised to keep domestic discipline within orthopaedic limits.” Perhaps next they will introduce a measuring tape…
A Duet Between Two Birds..!
I am at a little resort in Saphale, two and a half hours from Mumbai, and for once the alarm clock has competition. At six thirty in the morning, before the tea kettle has even considered whistling, the birds have begun their choir practice. Not one bird. Two. And then…
Reckless Anniversary Bravery..!
Today, in a moment of reckless bravery that can only come on a wedding anniversary, I’m going to ask my wife the most dangerous question known to husbands across civilizations. “Do you love me?” Now before you applaud my courage, let me clarify that this is not being asked in…
Only Red Powder Saar..!
I was at the Mumbai T2 airport, feeling adventurous and happily hungry, at the same time, which usually means I order a Mysore masala dosa. There is something about airports that makes you believe you deserve better food than you eat at home. Perhaps it is the boarding pass in…
The Patchwork Quilt..!
At the time of Independence, I am quite sure the British packed their trunks into their old boats with more than tea and silverware. They probably carried a quiet chuckle with them. ‘How on earth,’ they must have thought, ‘would this land of multiple languages, hundreds of dialects, countless cuisines,…
Lust, Power and the Talented..!
This morning’s Times of India did not just carry a headline. It carried a memory. Three men sentenced to death for gang rape and murder. Clinical words. Legal words. Necessary words. And in the middle of it all, the name of a young man who had tried to stop them….
No Confidence and The Speaker..!
The opposition has very kindly sponsored a no confidence motion against the Speaker of the Lok Sabha. It is almost certain to fail. Arithmetic is a stubborn creature. If you have the numbers, you win. But numbers do not erase meaning. A no confidence motion is not a casual complaint…
Anti- Narrow Pants..!
A few weeks ago, in a moment of generosity I still consider Nobel Prize worthy, I offered someone close to me, a pair of black pants. I seem to have collected quite a few over time. Black trousers multiply in cupboards. They have secret meetings at night and reproduce. He…
Holy Anger and Unholy Temper..!
Anger is one of those emotions we defend passionately while claiming we hardly ever have it. “I am not angry,” we say loudly, with bulging eyes and trembling nostrils. At that point even the ceiling fan feels unsafe, as your wife and children hide. The Bible, thankfully, is more honest…
Robert Clements is a newspaper columnist and writes a daily column, which has graced the pages of over 60 newspapers and magazines, from a daily column in the Khaleej Times, Dubai, the Morning Star, London, and in nearly every state in India, from The Statesman in Kolkata, to the Kashmir Times in Kashmir to the Trinity Mirror in Chennai.