We Offer You a New Vice President..!
Dear People of India, clap, shout and rejoice! We are delighted to soon offer you a brand-new Vice President. Yes, carefully selected, polished, and packaged, this is the model you’ve been waiting for: one who will sit, smile, nod—and most importantly, keep silent when asked uncomfortable questions. Dear People, you…
Less Brains, More Bhajiyas..!
Breaking news! Breaking news! Hold on to your samosas, ladies and gentlemen, because the Ministry of Education—yes, that ministry, the one meant to sharpen minds and sculpt futures—has just declared war… on fried food. Not on failing schools. Not on outdated syllabi. Not on students memorizing for marks instead of…
Running to China…!
Somewhere in Shanghai, the tall Chinaman looked at the other Chinaman and chuckled, “I can see someone running toward us.” “Who?” asked the second Chinaman, lifting his teacup with casual indifference. “The man from the cow belt. Wears kurtas that hug the wind and speaks in three-syllable slogans.” “But why…
A ‘Dead Economy’?
It was the funeral of the century. India’s economy lay on a bamboo bier in Delhi’s central square, covered not in the Tricolour, but with copies of the Economic Survey and a few unpaid electricity bills. Priests chanted. TV anchors sniffled into their microphones. Politicians jostled for space like pigeons…
The Hugger-In-Chief..!
Ever been hugged when you didn’t want to be? You know the kind—when a distant uncle at a wedding suddenly clamps you in a bear hug, and you emerge gasping for air, smelling of his aftershave for the next three weeks. Now imagine that uncle is a bearded old Indian…
Robert Clements is a newspaper columnist and writes a daily column, which has graced the pages of over 60 newspapers and magazines, from a daily column in the Khaleej Times, Dubai, the Morning Star, London, and in nearly every state in India, from The Statesman in Kolkata, to the Kashmir Times in Kashmir to the Trinity Mirror in Chennai.