“The British are coming back! The British are coming back!” The frightened cry travels through villages, election meetings and television studios. “Where are they?” asks an alarmed citizen. “Have their ships entered Mumbai harbour?” “No!” “Have British soldiers landed?” “No!” “Has the Queen returned?” “She is dead.” “Then who is…
Robert Clements is a journalist and newspaper columnist. With an estimated 6 million readership, his column, Bob’s Banter is published in over 30 newspapers and magazines in nearly every state in India, as well as in the top newspapers of Bangladesh, London and Dubai and is also translated into Hindi, Punjabi and Urdu.
Nepal Floods, A Warning…!
The mountains of Nepal have always looked invincible. They rise into the heavens with snow covered heads, staring down at humanity as if reminding us how small we are. Yet, within moments, water came thundering down those mighty slopes, sweeping away villages, roads, bridges, possessions and precious lives. As I…
The God They Cannot Contain..!
Why should anybody be frightened of Christians? We are barely 2.3 percent of India’s population. We do not have the numbers to dominate elections. We do not have armies marching behind us. Most of our institutions are schools, hospitals, homes for the aged and centres caring for those whom society…
A Prize for Gandhiji, but No Place for Him..!
As I travel all over the world, something that those abroad associate me an Indian with, is with peace and Gandhiji. It’s certainly a wonderful association, but I wonder whether the people at home are bent on destroying that image: “Sir, we are giving away the Gandhi Peace Prize!” say…
The Star Who Kept Looking Up..!
Dolly Parton died yesterday at the age of eighty, and I imagine heaven had a small problem receiving her. “Name?” asked the angel at the gate. “Dolly Parton.” “Occupation?” “I sang a little.” “A little?” asked the angel, looking through a very large heavenly file. “You sold more than a…
Taking the Mountains Home..!
“Your suitcase is overweight,” said my wife as we prepared to leave the Poconos. “Impossible,” I said. “I have hardly bought anything.” She looked at the gifts, books, clothes and assorted objects that had mysteriously multiplied during our holiday. “You have packed half of America,” she said. I opened the…
First Teach Potholes Marathi..!
“Bandra,” I told the auto driver. He looked at me suspiciously. “Bandra?” he repeated. “Yes, Bandra.” “East or West?” “West.” And with that, our highly complicated linguistic exchange was successfully completed. No interpreter was summoned. No dictionary was opened. No government officer stood between us translating my desperate request into…
My Phone Knows Me Better Than My Wife..!
“I wish you hadn’t gone out last evening,” said my wife. I looked at her with the innocent expression husbands have perfected over centuries. “Yesterday evening?” I asked, buying three valuable seconds. “Yes,” she said. “Yesterday evening. Where were you?” “I was thinking about a new book,” I replied. “Where?”…
Wherever You Go..!
Since we are holidaying as a family near Lake Naomi in the Poconos, where my daughter has a home in the pine woods, I became curious about its name. The lake was created in 1895 when members of the Miller family built a dam across Tunkhannock Creek. But it was…
Cancel their Licence Too..!
The Maharashtra Food and Drug Administration has been inspecting restaurants across Mumbai and finding some frightening things. Dirty kitchens. Unsafe food. Improper storage. Questionable handling. Under the guidance of Maharashtra Food Safety Commissioner Tukaram Mundhe, action has been taken, establishments have been ordered to stop food operations, and licences have…
Robert Clements is a newspaper columnist and writes a daily column, which has graced the pages of over 60 newspapers and magazines, from a daily column in the Khaleej Times, Dubai, the Morning Star, London, and in nearly every state in India, from The Statesman in Kolkata, to the Kashmir Times in Kashmir to the Trinity Mirror in Chennai.