Yesterday, as my car passed a liquor shop near Fort in Bombay, a notice in bold letters caught my eye: ONLY THOSE ABOVE 25 MAY BUY LIQUOR. I laughed. At eighteen, a youngster may help change the government. But for another seven years, apparently, he cannot be trusted to choose…
Robert Clements is a journalist and newspaper columnist. With an estimated 6 million readership, his column, Bob’s Banter is published in over 30 newspapers and magazines in nearly every state in India, as well as in the top newspapers of Bangladesh, London and Dubai and is also translated into Hindi, Punjabi and Urdu.
Throw Your Tenant Out…!
“Who lives in that room?” I asked my friend. “Nobody,” he said. “Then why do you keep talking to him?” My friend looked puzzled. But throughout lunch, he had spoken of a man who had hurt him years ago. He remembered the words, the place where they had been spoken…
Some Confused Newsrooms..!
“Sir, our newspaper has never been fuller,” said the editor proudly. The owner looked pleased. “What have we put on the front page?” “A full page advertisement for luxury apartments.” “And the second?” “A car advertisement.” “What about the news?” The editor lowered his voice. “Sir, the journalist has found…
Fitting a Theory to an Assumption..!
“They have put something in the school food.” The message reached a mother while her son was still in class. It showed a photograph of a child in hospital and claimed that the school cook had deliberately poisoned the midday meal. By the time she reached the school gate, other…
The Ministry of Moving Lips..!
“Sir, are you singing?” The question came from a man standing beside me at an imaginary government function. He had a programme in one hand and a notebook in the other. “I am listening,” I whispered. “You have to sing,” he said. “I am watching your mouth.” I looked at…
Recognising the Suicide Epidemic….!
There is an epidemic spreading through our country. Young people are taking their own lives after examination failures, disciplinary action, broken relationships, workplace pressure and other setbacks. Each death is a tragedy. Each grieving family deserves compassion, not accusation. Suicide is complex and mental health struggles are real. Those suffering…
Rahul the Comedian..!
A ruling party spokesman has suggested that Rahul Gandhi should consider becoming a stand up comedian. I am sure it was meant as an insult. But it may have accidentally become the finest compliment the party has paid him. After all, a stand up comedian became President of Ukraine and…
Where Are the Police?
A young student at IIT Bombay reportedly carried his mobile phone into an examination hall, photographed the question paper and uploaded it to an artificial intelligence platform for answers. The professor noticed. Now, in those ancient days before artificial intelligence, this was called cheating. Today, perhaps we need a more…
Your Name in Gold..!
She stood at the traffic light holding a bunch of roses. They looked tired, and so did she. A large car stopped beside her. Inside sat a famous film star wearing dark glasses large enough to hide both her eyes and her expression. The little child, flower seller hurried towards…
Light Diyas for the King..!
A constitution replaces a king. But oh, how we love a king. We tell the country to ‘light diyas on his birthday’, and praise him high and low. And then we say we are a democracy, wave little flags, hold elections and proudly display our inked fingers. Then, the moment…
Robert Clements is a newspaper columnist and writes a daily column, which has graced the pages of over 60 newspapers and magazines, from a daily column in the Khaleej Times, Dubai, the Morning Star, London, and in nearly every state in India, from The Statesman in Kolkata, to the Kashmir Times in Kashmir to the Trinity Mirror in Chennai.