Somewhere in the mysterious headquarters where society writes its unwritten rules, a committee must have once met and decided something very important. Men must be tall. Women must be short. In fairy tales the prince is tall, heroic and rides a horse with impressive posture. The princess is delicate and…
The Joy of Beginning…!
This morning I began my sixth book. Sixth. Which either means I am hardworking or that publishers have not yet figured out how to block my emails. The book is titled One Note at a Time. It is about choral music and life, and how both can go gloriously right…
Sanju Samson’s Smash..!
Ninety-seven runs in fifty balls! That is not a cricket score. That is a public announcement that the bowlers may kindly reconsider their career choices. The West Indies had piled up a total so enormous that even optimistic Indian uncles travelling in Mumbai locals, who know more about cricket than…
War..!
War is that strange human hobby in which we destroy everything we have built, and then hold conferences to discuss reconstruction. It begins with speeches. It always begins with speeches. Leaders stand tall, chests expanded like overinflated tyres, voices trembling with patriotic passion. Words like honour, security, destiny and sovereignty…
Churches for Entertainment..!
God, I have always believed, is not fussy about geography. You can find Him in a cathedral, a chawl, a hospital corridor, or even while stuck in Mumbai traffic near Mahim Causeway, which, I assure you, requires divine intervention. But when Solomon built the Temple, God was not casual. He…
Our Epstein Cages..!
The world gasped when it heard about Jeffrey Epstein. We shook our heads in disbelief. Twelve-year-olds. Fourteen-year-olds. Sixteen-year-olds. Powerful men. Private islands. Locked rooms. Hidden cameras. It sounded like a crime thriller written by a novelist with a twisted imagination. Except it was real. And while we clutched our pearls…
A Netflix India..!
The other day we were clutching our collective hearts over a robotic dog that turned out to be less Make in India and more Made Somewhere Else. For a brief shining moment, we were united in embarrassment. How could we present a Chinese pup as our very own desi Doberman…
The Galgotias Iceberg..!
When I first read about the Galgotias University robotic dog that turned out to be a Chinese import wearing an Indian nametag, I felt an unexpected wave of nostalgia. This is exactly the sort of thing a classmate did in Standard Three. He submitted a drawing of a horse that…
Doggie In The Window..!
The other day I heard that old tune, How Much Is That Doggie in the Window, and suddenly I was transported back to a much thinner version of myself, clutching a mouth organ as if it were life support. My school had organised a visit to an old folks home….
Taliban, India and Our Girls..!
The Taliban has very kindly clarified that husbands in Afghanistan may beat their wives, provided they do not break any bones. How thoughtful. One can almost imagine a government circular being issued. “Citizens are advised to keep domestic discipline within orthopaedic limits.” Perhaps next they will introduce a measuring tape…
Robert Clements is a newspaper columnist and writes a daily column, which has graced the pages of over 60 newspapers and magazines, from a daily column in the Khaleej Times, Dubai, the Morning Star, London, and in nearly every state in India, from The Statesman in Kolkata, to the Kashmir Times in Kashmir to the Trinity Mirror in Chennai.