“My grandfather!” says a Christian snob, “Was a Brahmin before he converted!” “Yes, it’s the second time, you’ve told me that!” I tell him pleasantly. “We even told our daughter this, so she can be proud of her heritage!” says his wife to me. “You should add that after your…
Robert Clements is a journalist and newspaper columnist. With an estimated 6 million readership, his column, Bob’s Banter is published in over 30 newspapers and magazines in nearly every state in India, as well as in the top newspapers of Bangladesh, London and Dubai and is also translated into Hindi, Punjabi and Urdu.
Give a Giraffe Kick..!
It was as the forty plus politician, the beginnings of grey stubble on his cheek, looking down and despondent, walked away from the hospital, where his mother, suffering from post covid complications lay, that he saw the old sage outside, “You look down in the dumps!” said the kindly old…
Hiding My Marksheet..!
This morning’s paper had me dumbfounded; most students who had passed their exams had scored over ninety percent. I called home immediately: “Lock my cupboard and hide the keys!” “Why?” asked the wife, “something you want to hide from me?” “Just lock it!” She didn’t. The cupboard was open and…
Running Scared from Room to Room..!
The twins, and their mother, my daughter and her husband are down from New York and my otherwise quiet house is full of childlike laughter. But suddenly there is a still, and I get up worriedly from my writing to find the cause of this unearthly silence and then my…
She’s a Whore..!
He was resting at the well. I knew he’d sent his followers away, to get a much needed respite away from his busy schedule of teaching and preaching and healing. But as his head touched the side of the brick wall, a woman appeared. I knew who she was and…
Miss World 2023..!
Many of us love watching beauty pageants: And I wondered for a moment what would happen if God was the judge, mind you, the sole evaluator, referee and critic for the Miss World contest next year! “Ladies and gentlemen,” says the compere, pointing to an empty seat, “today we have…
Nobody’s Looking At Me Dad..!
This was a TV ad a few years ago: A little girl stares out of the window of an old car, looking lost and lonely, stares forlornly at her father and asks, “Why doesn’t anybody look at me dad?” Dear father is concerned! His heart reaches out to his beloved…
Trumpets at Funerals..!
Something I do every morning before writing my column is to go into the net and peek at some of the newspapers that carry my column. This helps me get a ringside view of what’s happening in different parts of the world and what to focus my thoughts and my…
Coffee, Tea or Me..!
My morning cuppa’s been getting some good press lately: Last week she was featured as a preventive for diabetes and then the papers reported that a cup a day keeps memory loss at bay! Ha! And to all those people who’ve stared at me as I sip my daily addiction…
A Medical Breakthrough..!
“This new doctor at the hospital is good, really good,” said Aunt Susan as she hobbled over to my mother and gave her a hug. “You took your time visiting him didn’t you?” complained my mother. “Ah well! After he gave me my medicine I went and saw Carol!” “Carol!”…
Robert Clements is a newspaper columnist and writes a daily column, which has graced the pages of over 60 newspapers and magazines, from a daily column in the Khaleej Times, Dubai, the Morning Star, London, and in nearly every state in India, from The Statesman in Kolkata, to the Kashmir Times in Kashmir to the Trinity Mirror in Chennai.