Doctors Abroad..!
Thousands of good Indian doctors practicing in England seem quite dejected with a new law replacing them with medicos from Europe. I met a bunch of these worthy physicians sitting after an exhaustive day at an Indian restaurant in London and was delighted to see they were keeping each other in good humour, discussing their brethren from Europe who would soon take over.
“Our handwriting is bad enough!” said young Doctor Kumar as he stared at his friends with myopic eyes, “but did you hear about this East German doc who wrote out a prescription? The patient used it for two years as a railroad pass. Twice it got him into Radio City Music Hall, and once into Yankee Stadium. It came in handy as a letter from his employer to the cashier to increase his salary. And to top it off, his daughter played it on the piano and won a scholarship to the Curtis Music Conservatory!”
I laughed with the others and looked on as Dr Kapoor spoke, ” I asked my European assistant to call the hospital from my clinic, to keep a bed ready for a pregnant patient, I heard the conversation on the speaker phone,” he chuckled, “He spoke frantically into the phone, ‘my patient is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
“Is this her first child?” the hospital asks.
“No you idiot!” my assistant shouts. “This is her doctor!”
“And then,” said Dr Kapoor I hear him arguing with a patient a little later, “so I went across to ask what’s happening, I heard the patient tell him ‘Doc I’ve been to three doctors and none of them agree with your diagnosis!”
“And do you know what he says?” laughed Kapoor, “he tells the patient; ‘Just wait until the autopsy, then they’ll see I was right!”
”And if they get a randy Italian doc they’re going to learn the hard way how different we Indians were,” said another medico a little bitterly, ” do you know what happened at the hospital? An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old crone, entered the doctor’s office.
“We have come for an examination,” says the young girl.
“Alright,” says the Italian doctor. “Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off.”
“No, not me,” says the girl. “It’s my old aunt here.”
“Oh its you Madam, then just put your tongue out!”
“Yesterday,” said a senior surgeon, “I left the operating theatre for a minute and my French assistant took over, it was a complicated operation, but later the patient kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache.”
“What did you do?” asked the others.
“Fearing that the man might be suffering from some post operation shock, I spoke to my assistant about it. “Don’t worry,” he tells me “He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of anesthesia! I hit him hard enough to knock him out!”
I left the good doctors as they cheered each other but told them that back home in India things were now good enough for them to return.
“But soon you’ll have the English calling you back!” I said.
“By the way Bob, I entered a contest for the most prominent veins!” said Dr Kumar.
“And?” I asked.
“Was beaten by a Spaniard but I came varicose..!”
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