Speak Simple English..!
My friend Frank startles me quite often with some new word he’s learnt. “I make it a point to learn a new word a day!” he said proudly.
“I didn’t know there were so many words left in English I didn’t know,” I grumbled as he asked me the meaning of ‘malodorous.’
“I’ve never used it, so I wouldn’t know,” I told him.
“You’ve got to start using big words Bob,” he continued, “malodorous means smelly!”
“So why can’t you just say smelly or stinking?” I asked.
“You got to impress people,” he said, “make them feel you know words they don’t know!”
“Okay,” I said, “here’s something for you:
“A research team proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic
protuberance; the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was unspecified.”
” One member of the team precipitously descended, sustaining severe damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomical structure; subsequently the second member of the team performed a self rotational translation oriented in the same direction taken by the first team member! Okay Frank in simple English what does this translate to?”
Frank looked at me, his face the epitome of confusion, “What the hell was that all about?”
“Big words,” I laughed, “simple thought put in a lofty way!”
“I give up!”
“Okay,” I said, “Its Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after!”
“You mean all those big words were that silly poem we learned in nursery?”
“Sounded pompous didn’t it?” I laughed.
“Overbearing and pretentious!”
“Ah!” I said, “That’s what Woodrow Wilson’s father felt about speeches his son made! Woodrow Wilson while standing for the President of the United States used to rehearse his speeches in front of his father!”
“And his father found them overbearing and pretentious?”
“His father used to listen to his son intently and suddenly interrupt saying, ‘what did you mean by that Woodrow?’ And Woodrow Wilson would carefully explain what he meant”
“And what did his father say?”
“Old Mr Wilson would turn to Woodrow and say, ‘then tell it like it is son, don’t shoot a bird with a cannon ball when buckshot will do!”
Frank smiled and turned to me, “I get your point,” he said slowly, “Especially about using a cannonball when buckshot would do..!”
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