My Neighbour’s New Car..!
Now my neighbours who I’m believin’ are good friends are buyin’ a car and since I’m also writin’ a humour column for an auto magazine, makes many think I’m an expert on the mean machine and come to me for advice. In fact some years ago this here tourist car company who were going in for a fleet of dem new cars asked me if I’d test drive a few for them and yes, give my opinion, I said sure why not and it was only when I drove Pajero like a road roller, that suited booted MD, he look strangely at me, pulls out de magazine and reads my piece.
“You write humour?” he asks pleasantly as he unloads me from drivers seat.
“Yes,” I tell him, “you like it?”
“Yeah,” he says, “your driving it make me laugh!”
We writers know this be a weakness with most readers, they read headline and byline but not article, and next day greet us with, “Hey I see your name in the papers!”
“Yeah,” I say, “I write a column! You read it?”
“I like the cartoon!”
“I don’t draw,” I tell them glumly.
But to tell you the truth I’ve been quite happy with reactions from auto magazine readers and try quite hard to act the macho part, leaning against sporty car in the neighbourhood, tapping at body, peering at engine as if their innards tell me a tale which them others can’t read.
Like I said my neighbours are buyin’ a car. She can’t drive poor thing and he’s learning so what does that make me? An expert. Ha, ha!
“Bob,” she calls on the phone, “what colour you recommend?”
“Grey seems dignified,” I say happily.
“Red!” I hear her shouting to her hubby boy.
“Would you go in for power windows or the manual type?”
“Manual,” I say pleased as punch I know so much about them machines.
“Power windows!” she shouts to her husband.
“There’s a deluxe and a premium model?”
“Deluxe!” I tell her smiling into phone.
“Premium!” she shouts.
“About a good music system!”
“Yeah!” I say sounding pleased again.
“Would you say a Sony or Pioneer?”
“I have Pioneer!”
“Sony!” she shouts.
The car’s just come and I go down to have a look. Hey man its red, has power windows, premium model and has a Sony music system.
“Why you didn’t follow my advice?” I ask hurt.
“Oh Bob,” she smiles, “we’ve bin readin’ your column.”
“For the past so many years..”
“And now we think we’ve got ourselves a good car..!”
Now what is it that makes me think that de MD of that tourist car company, my neighbours and you be all grinning at me? I write for an auto mag too, dammit, ah what the hell maybe you guys know how to read what?
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