No Show at Cannes..!
“Ridiculous!” shouted the famous director of one of the Indian movies sent to Cannes for the Film Festival, “Who do those judges think they are? Do they feel they are better than the opinion of a billion people? Year after year I send my block busters to Cannes and they send back my cans by return post!”
“With due respect sir, maybe they have different judging standards,” I said.
“Then they’d better change it!” threatened the director, “or I may not send my film there next year!”
“Oh you can’t do that sir,” said the Hero walking in. “You have the best running round the trees sequence ever filmed! In your film, the heroine actually kisses the tree!”
“And the hero boxes it dishum dishum with jealousy!”
“Yes I admit that was quite ingenious of me!” admitted the director modestly.
“Cannes will be amazed by that scene!” said the hero.
“And sir don’t forget your brilliant plot!”
“Where in the world does an eight year old fall in love with an eighty year old?”
“And the old man! What physical fitness to do that dance scene for nearly twenty minutes!”
“Yes, “admitted the director, “I dare say that was a stroke of genius on my part!”
“Cannes will be stunned by your remarkable talent..”
“And clever creativity!” said an extra who was holding on to the director’s arm.
The famous director who had made many a blockbuster looked at me, his face set, his eyes fixed and his jaw resolute with determination, “Cannes will learn from me, “he said simply.
“You will send a film again next year?” I asked hopefully.
“How else will they learn?”
“Sir will you have the hero shooting at the villain, the bullet entering his skull, splitting in two, then going out, hitting both the other villains and killing them?”
“Yes,” said the director.
“And the scene where the hero leaves his wife because of his love for his ma?”
“Of course!” said the director, “that’s in all my movies!”
“What about a Richard Gere kiss sir?”
“No kissing!” thundered the director, “we are Indians! But instead of having two birds symbolically doing the needful, I will bring in two peacocks! Or maybe two tigers!”
“You are so clever,” said the extra rubbing his arm sensuously.
“Cannes will see my brilliance!” said the director looking at me fiercely, “Is there anything about Cannes in today’s paper?”
“No,” I told him, “but there’s something about cricket.”
“Bah cricket! Isn’t there enough mentioned about that silly game?”
“But you might find this interesting sir; it says that even though most Indians play cricket, follow cricket and love only cricket, we’ve never come near the World Cup in the last twenty four years! Somewhat like Cannes don’t you think sir? ”
I ran as the director, actors and even the extra threw empty cans at me.
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